Sex in Long Term Relationship: How to Spice Up Your Love Life

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think about sex in long term relationship? If you’re like most women, you might be thinking that it’s boring.

Let’s face it: having sex with the same partner for years can get tiresome—no matter how much you love your spouse. In fact, studies reveal that women who keep a monogamous sexual relationship for several years often feel repressed symptoms of anxiety and a desire for sexual exploration.

What does this mean for you?

Simply put, it means that there’s nothing abnormal about a loss of flavor in the bedroom. If you feel like your love life has lost all its spice, it’s time to see what you can do to bring back that early-marriage sexual passion.

In this post, I’ll tell you everything you need to know to get your sex life back on track. I’ll start with a brief introduction of why you feel the way you do and then give you the top eight tips to making your sex life more energetic and passionate again.

Ready? Let’s start!


The Basics

Let me start with two important questions. One: how long have you been married or in a relationship with your partner? Two: how would you rate the quality of sex in long term relationship?

If you have begun to feel dissatisfied with your husband, boyfriend, or long-term romantic and sexual partner, I have news for you: you’re not alone. In fact, thousands of middle-aged women are facing the same problem.

A 2017 British study found that for “women only, lack of interest in sex was higher among those in a relationship of over one year in duration.” It’s important to note here that this lack of interest refers not to a lack of interest in sex itself but to a lack of interest in particular sex with a monogamous partner.

But why exactly is this? Studies show that while men are largely content to have the same sexual routine, women grow tired of predictable sex. This is why women disproportionately rate the quality of their sex lives negatively—even if they are having sex up to three times a week.


Knowing this, how can you solve this issue?

First, it’s important to dissect what’s really going on. According to psychology, what women are really after is a bit of flavor.

Unfortunately, many women mistake their pent-up sexual desire as a bad thing. They think that not being satisfied with their husbands means there is something wrong with them, and they believe that their sexual fantasies are a sign of disloyalty.

Fortunately, the science is pretty clear on this issue: feeling bored in a long term sexual relationship is quite natural.

In fact, all women need is a bit of novelty and more interest from their partners. Supporting this claim is data that reveals women are the largest market for sexual toys, a number that may sound surprising on the surface.

Truthfully, this is only a manifestation of the desire of millions of women who are looking to make their sex lives more flavorful.

Are you bored with sex in your current relationship? Take advantage of the following tips to put more oomph into your sex life!


Tips to Make Your Sex Better

What can you do to start making your sex life better? If you are looking for better sex in long term relationship, it’s important that you adhere to the following steps. By doing so, you will be able to restore your passion and release that stored-up sexual energy you’ve been channeling on the inside.

Set the Mood

Studies show that couples who set the mood first have better sex. What does this mean? Generally speaking, this means that you shouldn’t have sex in a dirty room.

After years of marriage, you fall into a sort of routine. What’s more, you get so used to a person that after a while, you stop noticing the little things.

Think about it this way: would you ever have sex in a dirty room if you were still dating? Probably not. And while it may not seem like such a big deal, studies reveal that the little details add up.

For this reason, if you want better sex in long term relationship, it’s important that you set the mood. While this doesn’t mean you need to break out your candles, it does mean that you will feel better-having sex in a clean room.

After all, it’s all about atmosphere. It’s hard to get in the mood when your husband’s dirty socks are by the nightstand. By setting the mood early, you can remove the mental inhibitors that secretly stress you out during sex. What’s more, you’ll be able to focus on what’s in front of you—opening you up to new possibilities.

Invest in Gadgets

If you’ve been with your husband or partner for ten or twenty years, it’s only natural that things might grow stale. This is especially true if your husband hardly changes his routine.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself wondering what it would be like if you invested in a few gadgets. You’ve heard other women rave about them, but you don’t know if they’re right for you or even something your husband would be interested in.

If you’re not sure what to do, take my advice: women who introduce new toys into their sex lives feel a sense of novelty and a renewed passion for sex.

Remember that the key to better sex in a long term relationship is to mix things up. Doing the same thing over and over gets boring for anyone—and especially for women, who require sexual variety in order to stay energetic and passionate in monogamous relationships.

This means that you should buy that toy you’ve been looking at. Chances are, your husband will be just as excited as you are.

Plan Ahead

You’ve probably heard before that spontaneous sex is the best sex. In fact, many people believe that planning ahead for sex leads to a loss of passion, energy, and desire.

The truth of the matter, however, is that for those after better sex in long term relationship, planning ahead can be a crucial mechanism for healthier, more desirable sex.

Not only does planning ahead give you something to look forward to throughout the day, but it also gives you time to play out your sexual fantasies.

Of course, you want to make sure that your husband is all in with you. By the time you get to the bedroom, you’ll find that both of you are ready to release your pent up sexual energy.

Say this isn’t the case, however.

What if you plan ahead to have sex, only to find that you aren’t in the mood? In this case, studies have shown that staying committed to sex and helping your partner fulfill his sexual desires can actually boost intimacy, leading to better sex. This leads me to my next point…

Just Do It

In the words of Australian sex coach Bettina Arndt, one of the best ways to get over your sexual hump is simply to “just do it.” This means that if you’ve had a hard time connecting with your husband or partner, you can get better sex in long term relationship simply by having sex when you don’t want to.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should consent to sex every time your partner wants it. What it does mean is that having frequent sex with your partner helps build intimacy.

Furthermore, rejecting your partner’s sexual advances tears down intimacy and can make your partner start having doubts about his sexual performance and connection with you.

If you’ve been holding off on having sex with your partner because you “just aren’t feeling it,” it may be time to give it one more shot.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to have the “same old, same old.” Instead, talk with your partner and see what you can do to spice it up in the bedroom.

Limit Interruptions

If you’re trying to build intimacy for improved sex in long term relationship, it’s crucial that you have space for just you and your husband. This means that you have sex at a time and place where you won’t be interrupted by the kids.

It also means that you turn off your cellphone, computer, and other messaging devices. You want to have space where you can be devoted to your husband—and he can be devoted to you.

Limiting interruptions helps you to stay focused on your sex. When attempting to renew your sex life, it’s key that you give your partner your full attention.

Remember that the ultimate goal is to build newness and a stronger, refreshed connection.

Role Play

Sex in long term relationship doesn’t have to be conventional.

Try thinking outside the box to spice up the bedroom and bring more passion to your love life. This means you shouldn’t shy away from concepts such as roleplay.

If you feel that your current sex life has stagnated after years of monogamous sex, dare to take on a different identity and have renewed and exciting sex.

Simply put, roleplaying helps you live out some of your fantasies, keeping you satisfied despite your monogamy. Burn some of your excess sexual energy and rekindle that early-marriage fire with your husband.

Know Your Partner—and Let Him Know You

This one may seem basic, but its impact is undeniable. In order to have exciting sex in long term relationship, you need to know what it is your partner likes. Surprisingly, a number of men keep their fetishes a secret from their wives for fear of seeming unconventional or downright perverted.

In order to cultivate a better sex life, it’s crucial that you find out exactly what your partner likes and compromise on giving it to him (assuming it’s something you’re comfortable with). This will help your partner fill better and renew that spark in your relationship.

Just as importantly, women benefit from telling their partners their sexual fantasies.

Don’t be afraid to tell your partner your secret desires. Going on a sexual journey with your partner is one of the best ways to keep your sex healthy, new, and rewarding despite years of marriage.

Move out of the Bedroom

You already know that one of the leading causes of bad sex in long term relationship is overfamiliarity. Women who grow too accustomed to their surroundings and to their sexual routines tire quickly. For this reason, consider taking extra measures to make sure your sex life doesn’t fizzle out.

This may mean moving your sex life out of your bedroom. Make the whole house your playground. Once you expand your physical sexual domain, you will find a renewed sense of passion and desire for sex with your husband or partner.

This could mean having sex in the living room, the shower, or anywhere else (within reason, of course).

The point is this: having sex in the bedroom is nice, but it isn’t mandatory. For women who are looking to up their sex lives and take their passion to the next level, moving sex out of the bedroom is a crucial first step.



Sex in your long term relationship or marriage doesn’t have to be boring.

If you’re like millions of other women who are starting to feel fatigued in their current sexual relationship, it’s time you take steps to renew your sex life and restore your early-relationship passion.

By following the eight steps contained in this post, you will be able to channel your stored sexual energy back into your relationship.

Don’t give up! If you feel that your sex life has become hopeless or even feel guilty for your sexual fantasies, know that getting your sex life back on track is easier than you may think.

By adding a bit of novelty to your bedroom and working with your partner to live out your fantasies (and his!), you can bring the bang back to your sex life.

So what are you waiting for? If you’re looking for better sex in your long term relationship, the best time to start is today!


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