In every relationship, there are many stages of breakup for dumper. What is worse: getting dumped, or being the dumper? Depending upon your own experience, the answer to this question is different for everybody. After all, you may have been dumped during your best relationship, or you may have dumped somebody who was madly in love with you.
Even though each relationship is different, the breakups are quite similar. In a majority of cases, there is a dispute between the couple that results in never-ending arguments, until one person decides to end the relationship for good. There may be problems such as infidelity, trust, priority, and others. Regardless of what the reason behind the breakup is, there are always 5 stages of breakup for dumper. (1)
If you are reading this article to know whether your ex is suffering through these stages of breakup for dumpee, then we have special ‘for the dumpee’ sections as part of each stage. You already know where to look to find the best advice on what to do if you think your ex is going through a specific stage.
What are Dumper Stages?
Before we get to explaining each stage and what it means, you should know what these stages are. ‘Dumper’ is the term used to describe the person ending the relationship, and the ‘dumpee’ is the one who gets dumped.
Now that we have that cleared, it is easy to understand that the 5 stages of breakup for dumper refer to the entire rollercoaster of emotions that the dumper goes through after they have broken up with their partner. Although you may think that it is easier to be the dumper in the relationship, there is no denying that there is emotional havoc caused in the dumper’s life too.
There are many emotions that an individual experiences as part of the stages of breakup for dumper. Even if there is little relief, there is also anger, worry, confusion, and so much more.
Before the Breakup
If you think that your partner suddenly broke up with you out of the blue, then you are certainly mistaken. Before a person ends a relationship, they spend days or weeks thinking about what they want to do. They may have realized long ago that they are unhappy but had been unsure whether the unhappiness was worth ending the entire relationship.
Perhaps the dumper initially thought that things would get better, but when they realize that the road only goes downhill from here, they decided to break it off. After all, why drag a relationship when you already know that there is no future?
Well, long before the actual breakup, the dumper begins experiencing a wide array of emotions. Not only are they frustrated by all the thoughts in their mind all the time, but they are also closely observing their partner. Every move is being evaluated carefully, and every effort put into the relationship is considered as a reason to stay.
During these nerve-wracking days before the breakup, the true stages of breakup for dumper have already begun. They are already experiencing anger – a dangerous emotion that can be directed towards any individual. However, the person at the receiving end of this anger is usually the partner. Since the dumper is so confused about what they want to do with their love life, their anger is typically directed towards the person that they had once claimed to love.
Once the breakup finally happens, the 5 stages of breakup for dumper truly begin. Prepare yourselves for a rollercoaster of emotions – going through a breakup will always be chaotic and messy.
Dumper Stages: 5 Stages of Breakup for Dumper
Stage 1: Worry and Anxiety
Like we mentioned earlier, the first stage of the stages of breakup for dumper begins with lots of worry and anxiety. This is a stage experienced both pre and post breakup – especially when the dumper takes a considerable amount of time in making their final decision to end a relationship.
Finding the courage to end it off with a partner is difficult. Even if the dumper is unhappy with the relationship, they might still be held back with the beautiful memories that they share with the partner. Even during the pre-breakup stage, they might go on one spontaneous coffee date with their partner and feel like everything is back to normal.
If the dumper is second-guessing their decision to end the relationship, this stage of worry and anxiety will be rather intense. There may be feelings of guilt when ending the relationship, and there might also be some fear of loneliness after losing your partner. This happens mostly in long-term relationships when couples have already spent a few years together and are very accustomed to each other’s company.
If the dumper still cares about the dumpee, they may also be concerned about how the dumpee would handle the breakup. In case you decide to be friends, the entire dynamic may become difficult to handle, especially if the dumpee still has feelings for the dumper.
For the Dumpee:
If you have a partner (or ex) who is currently going through this stage, you may be feeling many emotions at your end as well. When you find someone breaking up with you, it is natural to make them want to stay. You may find yourself putting in an extra effort to prove that you still care about them or start acting in ways that you know they like.
Even though there is no harm in wanting to save a relationship with someone you love, we would still advise you to take it slow. There is no need to act before you think, and everything you do should be thought out carefully.
If your partner truly wants to break up with you, there is nothing that you can say to make them stay. Instead of making promises that you would not be able to fulfill or further dragging this relationship, maybe it would be better to just let them go for good.
Stage 2: Relief and Experiment
Once the breakup period and all the drama are over, life can start to look very promising for the dumper. There is typically a sigh of relief – a feeling similar to when you finally let go of a huge burden that had been weighing you down. Although relationships are never supposed to make you feel like that, there is no denying that some relationships do become a burden over time. When you finally take the leap of faith and break off such relationships, you feel great about yourself.
As the dumper, you may still have second thoughts regarding whether or not you did the right thing. Despite those thoughts, you would still find yourself enjoying a peaceful state of mind where you no longer have to overthink your relationship status. Once you realize that things had to end for good, life looks hopeful and happy for the dumper.
This is considered one of the best stages of breakup for dumper because they regain their confidence. You may find the dumper reigniting old friendships, experimenting with new things, and simply enjoying themselves. On social media, the dumper may suddenly start posting happier and more lively photos of themselves – and you will also find people praising the dumper for their ‘wise’ decision.
Dumpers also tend to experiment with their looks in this stage. For women, experimenting with their hair with a new hair color or a haircut is one of the most popular ways of coping with a breakup. There is also a more recent trend of getting new piercings – or simply anything that makes you feel liberated and free.
For men, experimenting can be all about finding a new hobby or going on trips with their friends. Typically, dumpers who are men tend to start hanging out with their male friend groups again – enjoying some men’s time away from the girls.
Another popular thing to do in this period according to the stages of breakup for dumper is getting into a rebound relationship. The dumper thinks they have suddenly found love again, and they seem all happy with their new, perfect relationship.
For the Dumpee:
When you see your ex go through this stage, it becomes difficult to stay happy yourself. It is easy to look at their photos and thinks, ‘Was I really that bad of a partner?’. Well, the truth is that there is nothing that you could have done to change the outcome of the relationship. If it wasn’t meant to be, then it just wasn’t – and it is time for you to accept that.
One good news for the dumpee is that in this stage, you become envious of your ex enjoying themselves and you want to enjoy the same way. Although they are going through their 5 stages of breakup for dumper, you can begin letting go of your feelings for them and start looking forward to new experiences.
Stage 3: Compassion and Nostalgia
Amongst the 5 stages of breakup for dumper, this is when reality hits. It may not be the best feeling to be hit with this reality check, especially after you had been enjoying yourself in the previous stage.
When a person reaches this point of the stages of breakup for dumper, they start having feelings of sympathy. As the dumper, you may find yourself thinking about your ex again and questioning your own self about the decisions you made.
Many dumpers think that they made the correct choice by ending the relationship, but they still feel guilty about the way they broke up. Dumpers tend to wish that they handled things differently or said a few less harsh words during the breakup.
After compassion comes the feelings of nostalgia. Everywhere the dumper looks, they can only think about their ex. While dumpers think that they are probably the only ones who are feeling regret after ending a relationship themselves, this is actually one of the 5 stages of breakup for dumper. In fact, it is quite natural to miss your ex.
The nostalgia during this stage of breakup for dumper comes in many different ways. The dumper could visit a particular restaurant and remember how much their ex loved to eat here or start swiping through old photographs on their phone.
The part of the 5 stages of breakup for dumper may even include letting out a tear or two – and that is completely normal. After all, you are human, and it is okay to miss somebody who was once a significant part of your life.
For the Dumpee:
If you want to know what sweet revenge feels like, then this is it. Amongst the 5 stages of breakup for dumper, this is the only stage when the dumpee may find themselves thriving. There will no longer be photos of your ex enjoying on vacation or going on dates – instead, you may even find them posting some sad quotes or song lyrics on their Instagram story.
Your ex might even reach out to you at this stage. As the dumpee, it is entirely your decision regarding how you wish to handle such a situation. If you want to remain friends with your ex, consider picking up their call when they finally find themselves at this part of the stages of breakup for dumper. If you want to maintain a no contact rule, then just block their number, and keep looking forward.
Stage 4: Confusion and Regret
If your ex does not respond to your texts and calls, every dumper can start feeling regret at this point of the 5 stages of breakup for dumper. No matter how happy you were at the beginning of the breakup, it is easy to find yourself questioning your decisions and regretting ending the relationship so soon.
‘Is there something I could have done differently?’, ‘What if I had not broken up?’ are just some of the questions that are a significant part of the 5 stages of breakup for dumper.
As the dumper, you may also be concerned whether your ex has already moved on. In case they have removed you from social media, there is more reason to be worried since you cannot even check up on them anymore. This is why confusion and regret can take over your life at this stage, and you can find yourself overthinking everything all over again.
For the Dumpee:
Life really comes full circle in the end. If you chose to maintain the no-contact rule, then your ex is probably drowning in regret of breaking up with you. They would constantly be thinking of you, and whether or not you would consider getting back together with them.
However, for the dumpee, none of this should matter anymore. The dumper has already passed through the major stages of breakup for dumper, and there is really no going back to a broken relationship anymore.
At this point, you should just continue trying to move on to better things in your life.
Stage 5: Acceptance
When you reach the end of the 5 stages of breakup for dumper, there is finally some relief. Unlike the first stage that was only a temporary sigh of relief, this 5th stage offers some long-term peace in your life.
Once you realize that there is no going back to an old relationship, or that your ex has already moved on, you will start moving towards this state of acceptance. As the dumper, you may still miss your ex or be reminded of them at certain moments, but you would learn to appreciate that too.
For the Dumpee:
Acceptance is a two-way street. As your ex goes through the last stage of the 5 stages of breakup for dumper, you would reach a point of acceptance as well.
Your hatred for your ex would now be converted into respect. There is no denying that you may still miss them, but you would be happy and contented with the memorable time that you got to spend with them.
Going through a breakup may be a rough experience, but everyone gets through these 5 stages of breakup for dumper eventually. Remember that the time you spend on each stage of breakup for dumper may be different according to your own situation, but in the end, you will reach a point of acceptance.
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