Whether you are in a marriage, marrying or are making up your mind, be prepared to face some of the most common marriage problems. Marriage is indeed a beautiful bond between two people. Trusting each other and being loyal in a relationship are two pillars which hold are meant to hold your marriage in place.
However, due to the extensive workload, responsibilities and the race against time, you often lose track of that unconditional love you and your partner shared before marriage. In fact, according to statistics 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce within a few years in the US and UK.
The Reason For Break Down Of Marriages
If you are wondering why marriages are breaking and what problems cause failed marriage then read a few reasons below which can help you face such problems in a better way rather than ending up in a divorce.
Let’s be honest here, just like everyone, at least once in your lifetime, you must have had a bad experience of being cheated, didn’t you feel your trust is smashed and walked over?
This is one marriage problem that almost every couple faces; either of the partners in a marriage is cheating and also the increasing trend of one-night stands is adding fuel to this fire. You can’t make lifetime vows to one person and go for a nightstand the following week!
Cheating makes lies more common which lead to numerous other marriage problems such as lack of communication making the relationship weak and eventually break with time.
Tip: Keep good communication with your partner, don’t let them drift simply because you are too busy dealing with other things in life such as friends, work or children. Keep things spicy in the bedroom and often lend an ear to their thoughts and problems.
When you are in a relationship that has to go a long way, physical intimacy is one factor which acts as fuel. Intimacy in marriage not only brings you and your partner closer physically but emotionally as well. This is very healthy for a relationship.
However, loss of libido, one spouse having a different sexual preference and preferring sexual things which don’t match your partner’s preferences may pave the way to many marriage problems.
Tip: Keep your sex life fresh, not only is emotional attachment important but physical attachment is a very important constituent of a healthy relationship as well.
Values and Beliefs
Due to the increasing trend in cross-culture marriages, marriage problems leading to divorce have risen exponentially. Once you marry the love of your life, you wouldn’t want to do things alone, would you?
But you see, you can’t force your partner to follow your religion and beliefs and this is where the difference arises. How long will you keep going to places of worship alone?
Children are also an integral part of marriage, and naturally, both partners are very sensitive about the way their children are reared. If for instance you and your partner have different morals and beliefs, you might have conflicts about what is wrong and right and what exactly should be taught to the children.
In the light of morals, ethics, and goals you can debate with your partner all day and still not settle on mutual grounds often leading to arguments.
Tip: Respect one another’s values and beliefs; don’t try to enforce your religion or morals on your partner. You can tell them, but can’t force them to change their beliefs.
Time changes and molds people, sometimes you are mentally more mature due to an age gap or sometimes the situation or circumstances have influenced you.
This is one major marriage problem where the more mindful partner dominates and the compatibility level decreases for many couples. You might get into marriage because you feel you will get more compatible with each other with time, but as you age and the maturity level increases, you start seeing flaws in each other.
In different phases of life, you get to know more about your partner, this is when discover, how compatible you guys are. Many couples don’t find a high compatibility percentage in their relationship which later causes marriage problems.
Tip: Try to spend time together so you understand each other better. Try to make things work instead of getting into frequent arguments which will weaken your relationship.
You might have been in a traumatic situation at least once in your lifetime. Either your partner will do too much or too little to support you in that hard time.
However, some couples might feel too much pressure in such situations, one spouse may be doing everything to make things better but the other one might be unsupportive. This is when partners start feeling that detachment. As the detachment increases the marriage starts going down the scale and conflicts start arising.
Tip: Support each other in time of doubt. Do the most you can to make them feel normal. I know it might be a new situation for you as well but you both got to rely on each other.
Predictability makes things boring. Similarly, in marriages, boredom is usually a home breaker, it is understandable that a relationship is not meant to have that spark every day of the year but spontaneousness is what keeps the essence in a relationship. Don’t stick to the same routine 365 days of the year. You both should spend time outside work and home together.
Tip: Whether you plan a spontaneous trip with your partner, try a new restaurant or a new way to express your love; just don’t let that boredom overtake your marriage.
If your partner is overprotective and possessive about you, then prepare as you might have to face more often in marriage.
This also causes stress in your relationship as a continuous pressure on you as to who you should talk to and what things to do which won’t make your partner jealous. The nagging questions like who is in your friends’ circle, who is on the phone and why are you looking at that person are signs they are over jealous. This is very unhealthy for a relationship and may cause marriage problems in the long run.
Tip: If you are the jealous one, yes you can keep an eye for your satisfaction but don’t let them know how much you doubt them. Take counseling and therapy on how you can overcome the feeling of extreme jealousy.
Setting Unrealistic Expectations
Okay, so you and I have both have been there, where we would want our partners to change after marriage or just be the way they were before you guys decided on marriage. Look, you have you to give a person some space; your relationship can not be like that of your parent’s.
You can’t just be non-verbal and expect your partner to understand why you are angry and you definitely shouldn’t expect them to make you happy all the time. These are unrealistic expectations; marriage is more like a give and takes relationship, so if you want the love you have to give love. Otherwise, some serious marriage problems can start arising.
Tip: Don’t overstep boundaries, let your spouse have some personal space, know your limits and don’t be a pusher!
Stressing about the money
When it comes to finances, the best thing you can do is trust each other. Money is everyone’s basic need and it can lead to some serious arguments. Money doesn’t last forever, always remember your relationship is much more precious. Divide your expenses and inform each other about the monthly expenses.
Tip: Make a financial plan with mutual concern, keep the record of all the money you both are spending, don’t argue on unnecessary things, it’s okay if your husband got a golf club set once, you can also grab onto those Gucci heels.
Putting your Kids First
Children reared by parents who are living a happy married life are successful and do better at schools and collages compared to the children coming from broken families.
Before you take a sentimental decision of divorce think about what your children will have to go through. But do remember you guys are not roommates taking care of children; you are married and need to think about your relationship as prior.
Tip: Find a balance; take time out for yourself and your spouse for a date night or a mini weekend vacation to reignite that spark. Make extra efforts to keep the relationship healthy for a positive impact on your family.
Taking Your Spouse For Granted
You might have had a hard day at work so you just come home take a seat, watch your favorite show and order some pizza. If your wife has been home all day, don’t take her for granted, don’t think she won’t be tired and that you can just lash out on her.
Don’t take each other for granted, you might think your partner is here to stay forever so even if you don’t give them time it’s fine. No, it is not! Work on bringing back that energy in your relationship, the same amount of enthusiasm and energy you had when you guys were dating.
Tip: Appreciate the little thing they do for you, bring them a small token of gratitude sometimes, take them out for a treat. Thank each other often for the little efforts you both make for each other.
Over Using Technology
Imagine you are talking about something very serious, maybe you are putting your heart out and your husband keeps glancing at his phone’s screen now and then. Wouldn’t this interrupt your flow of emotions? If you can’t get your significant other’s attention then what is the point of venting your problems to them?
This is what gadgets do to your marriage; smartphones keep interrupting conversations, a smooth thought process and keep you distracted so you can’t focus on the important things in life. Yes, technology is the necessity of time, but overuse of it will become a menace for you! Use technology only when you need it.
Never ignore your partner simply for the sake of a few likes on your Instagram picture or friends, this won’t save your marriage in fact, it will lead to marriage problems!
Tip: Keep the phones away from your dinner table, bed and even disconnect them from the internet. If there is an emergency, you will get a phone call.
Misunderstanding The Purpose of Marriage
Marriage is supposed to bring you both emotionally together so that you can see the best version of yourselves in different situations. Marriage is nothing complex or complicated. You just need to be clear and loyal, maintain that intimacy and enjoy the beautiful bond!
Tip: Admire each other in good and bad times. Stick through difficult situations.
Remember that time when you guys were dating?
Sending all those long paragraphs expressing your feelings and even problems was something you both admired about each other. Try to keep that kind of communication constant. Your spouse is not a mind reader; don’t expect them to resolve problems without knowing what the root cause is. This will lead to many marriage problems such as mistrust and wrong perceptions.
Tip: Don’t let emotional infidelity victimize your relationship, communicate clearly and share your ideas, always give feedback and be attentive and responsive when your spouse seems worried.
Sometimes you might not appreciate your partner’s hard work because of the work’s monotonous nature, like going to the office every day. But you are forgetting that he or she is the breadwinner.
When you don’t appreciate your spouse, they start getting appreciation from elsewhere which might lead them to drift away from you. Six years or Six months, you must appreciate your partner often, this keeps them motivated in the relationship to do more.
Tip: Compliment and compliment! About their hair, the color that suits them, the little things they do for you such as even putting out the garbage can.
You guys might have started on the same ambitions and goals but after marriage, you feel you want to go for something different?
Your spouse wants to stick to their office routine but you want to go to another country to pursue higher studies. This is where the disagreement starts. Don’t fear your partner as to what they might think of you when you tell them about your changing prospects. Communication is the key to clear confusions.
Tip: Respect each other’s ambitions and don’t shock them, prepare them, and gradually make them agree happily.
Losing Control Of Anger
Okay, I know it is very difficult to overcome a situation where you suddenly come to know that your partner went out without you or talked to some they shouldn’t. Don’t let your anger flow right away. You need to learn self-control and calm. Don’t explode when your partner returns home.
Let them settle and then ask them, why they did a certain thing you previously disapproved. I am sure they will have a valid reason to justify the situation. Often angry decisions lead to many marriage problems and these might have disastrous results down the line.
Tip: Don’t let that fit of rage overtake you, drink a glass of water, relax and act appropriately. Don’t ever be violent when you are angry, this will give a very negative impact of you on your spouse.
Trust and Selfishness
Last but not least, learn to trust your partner and do things for them selflessly. Marriage means you have to share everything, from work to expenses to stress and even making decisions such as having children. Don’t spy on your spouse, and don’t be selfish as it will show you inconsiderate, and it’s a disrespectful gesture.
Tip: Trust your partner, let them do things they like so they don’t drift away and try to do things together such as house chores, cooking and even watching shows.
So if you are someone who dreams about growing old with their partner, wants to see their relationship healthy and strong, then these are some tips you should take notes of whenever you are facing any of the above-mentioned problems.
I know, marriage is a hard road to drive on but with hardship comes ease and you should always be looking at the brighter side. Try to always stay positive. It won’t be easy, but it’s going to be worth the patience and compromises you guys make for each other.
Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com